|
How do I know if I should marry Nicole? We have been romantically involved for almost one year (we kicked it off at our 20 year high-school reunion), and we were good friends for many years during our post high-school and college years. She is ready, in fact anxious, to get married and have a child with me (she has one already). We are both 39 years old. |
|
Only you can decide if this is the right time or the right person for you to pledge the rest of your life to. There should be no "should" attached to it this is about you making the choice because it's right for you and because Nicole is the one you want to spend the rest of your life with. I am noting that you did not mention how you feel about Nicole. You talked about what she wants, but is this what YOU want? |
|
Category:
Relationships |
|
|
My weight keeps on bouncing up-and-down and I can't seem to stay at one place. I have tried diets, working out but nothing seems to stick. Can you help? |
|
Chances are that your weight is not consistent because your routines are not consistent. I would recommend spending some time troubleshooting where your routines are working and where they are not and what you're willing to do to make them work for you, so that you get the results you pay lip service to wanting. There's no secret to weight loss and overall good health - eat less, eat healthy, move more. How are you doing with CONSISTENTLY taking these 3 actions? Chances are you'll find clues as to what needs to change by asking yourself that question and answering it honestly. When you've ascertained where your gaps are, hire a coach, nutritionist or personal trainer to help you to create a plan and to hold you accountable to your fitness goals. You don't have to do this alone - get a team together to support you. |
|
Category:
Health |
|
|
I am 47 years old and have been recently laid off from my job as a vice president. I am now faced with having to re-enter the job market. I have no college degree and am nervous about this daunting process. How can I get to a place where I am positive about my future and open to potential opportunities that await me? |
|
The first thing you have to get really clear about is this: you may not have a college degree, but you probably didn't get to the position of VP because of your good looks or boyish charm alone - success leaves clues. There are strategies and actions you took, ways of thinking and doing, certain habits and rituals that you practiced that got you to where you got, without a degree. Those are your keys to success and they are completely 100% duplicable. You don't have to re-invent the wheel as you re-enter the market place. Get really clear on what it is you bring to the table, study and practice your keys to success, and remain in a powerful, highly resourceful state. Fear does not grow well in resourceful soil! |
|
Category:
Business |
|
|
I have an adult child that lives on her own. I try to give advice and guidance and it does not always get accepted as such. When she was living at home I could dictate how she should behave and act. How do you suggest I work with her to encourage her make the right decisions with her life? |
|
Ah, you're in that interesting phase of parenting where you've moved from being parent and manager/boss to parent/consultant. This can be tough for many, as this stage necessitates that it no longer be all about you and what you think is best. You have to come to a place of understanding and acceptance within yourself that you've done all the right things up to now, that you've given her a good foundation to build on and that she's going to do what she thinks is best for her - and that you don't have to agree! Us wanting to control or influence our adult children's decisions and choices comes from a place of fear - afraid they'll get hurt, afraid they'll fail, afraid they'll suffer, etc. Your main job and commitment to her is to love her fully and completely, and that includes the choices and decisions she makes. That doesn't mean that you necessarily stop advising her. It simply means that you are not attached to her taking your advice. When you unhook from wanting things to be done your way, you allow her to grow and figure out her way. |
|
Category:
Family |
|
|
Can you make some recommendations on how to spice up our sex life? We have been married for 20 years and have two children who still live at home. |
|
Being in a committed, long-term relationship can often mean that a couple will have to get more creative as time goes on, especially when working with the fact that there are children in the house. The key thing is not to get caught up in the past - your sex life doesn't have to be the fireworks and head spinning occasion that it was when you first met 20 yrs ago. What it can be, is a high-quality, fully present, hot monogamous coming together, no matter how often or seldom it occurs. Making it special each time, really goes a long way. Make a date for sex, arrange for the kids to be gone or go to a hotel instead. Reading sexy literature, wearing something that makes you feel sexy, thinking naughty thoughts about your partner, preparing or ordering sexy finger foods, can make for an amazing sexual occasion. Playing sex games, role playing and watching erotic movies can also fire things up. |
|
Category:
Sexuality |
|
|
I have no problem developing goals and putting together lists of things I want to achieve. However, I often become overwhelmed somewhere in the process of follow-through and end up dropping the ball or starting all over again. What can I do to have better follow-through? |
|
Great question and one which comes up often in my coaching practice. After you've gone through the process of being all gung-ho about your goals and writing them down, take some time to get really clear on WHY this goal is important to you and what it will give you and who you'll become in the process of going after this goal. Reasons matter! Most of us will do almost anything if we can give ourselves enough reasons. Secondly, try chunking your goals into smaller, bite sized pieces so that it's easier to handle a piece at a time. This enables you to focus on a few key areas and not to feel so overwhelmed. It will also give you a sense of accomplishment as each chunk is taken care of. |
|
Category:
Growth |
|
|
My husband and I have been married for 16 years, most of them happy. During the past few years, I've noticed that I seem to be doing most of the work, taking care of the kids, setting up date nights, showing the most affection and running the household, even though we both work outside the home. This is really making me resentful and I don't want to feel that way about the man I love. What's a way to communicate this with him so that he doesn't feel attacked, but realizes my side of the situation and wants to help with a solution? |
|
If you and your husband are still able to communicate about things in general, try that approach first. Have an open, honest discussion with him, using non-threatening language, letting him know that you love him and want the best for your marriage, etc. Be specific in how he might be able to help out more and to make you feel more loved and special. Most importantly, stop keeping score about who's doing what. You're in a marriage, not a contest. The minute you start keeping score, you're not focused on your marriage. Open up your heart to your husband more, be even more loving than before, do everything you can to make your marriage the best for you. Model the behavior you would like to see from him, and watch what happens....... |
|
Category:
Relationships |
|
|
No matter how hard I've tried and how many diets and programs I've been on, I have failed to lose weight consistently over the years. What's the best program you would recommend that your clients have had the most success with? |
|
I'm hearing that this is an old story for you and that you've told it to yourself and others many times. You know it well, it's part of who you are - "I'm someone who is overweight and unhealthy and I cannot lose weight and I am powerless over this". As a man thinketh.......What if you were to begin thinking of yourself as someone who is strong and in control of your body. What if you were to slowly begin to shift your identity from being a powerless victim, to that of being someone who is in charge and who is powerfully taking action to become healthier everyday? It sure gives you a better story to tell yourself and others! I would also suggest that you get as much help and support as you can - don't do this alone. Join a walking club, connect online with others who are into getting healthier, get an accountability buddy, hire a fitness coach, etc. |
|
Category:
Health |
|